Women the world over look forward to Valentine’s Day as the opportunity to celebrate their most intimate relationship, a day when they can expect to feel cherished and appreciated, a day that reminds them that romance is still alive. However, if your significant other is an intimacy anorexic, you are more likely preparing yourself for yet another disappointment.
For the intimacy deprived partner, it might be a day without affectionate words, gifts, or touches. Or it might be that predictable pattern of work or other outside obligations once again taking precedence over another of what should be your special days. Or that the sexual connection you’re longing for doesn’t happen but his not so secret rendezvous with porn does. Or perhaps it’s a day of intimacy sabotage where instead of your mate’s open heart you receive criticism, blame, anger or silence that drives away any desire you have for connecting. Regardless, you’re left feeling neglected, deprived, alone.
If the advice of relationship books haven’t helped, if friends and family can’t understand your pain because they can’t believe the great guy they see in public could possibly treat the most important woman in his life so insensitively — then the underlying issue in your relationship may be intimacy anorexia.
Intimacy anorexia doesn’t play by the same rules or respond to the typical intimacy improvement strategies. To have a real shot at relationship change and at beginning to stop the slow erosion of your own spirit, you need strategies designed to address your mate’s intimacy anorexia and your intimacy deprivation.
Married & Alone support groups are a great way to learn realistic boundaries that hold your mate accountable for relationship change. Contact Dr Caudill or the American Association of Sex Addiction Therapy for more information on Married & Alone groups and therapists trained in treating intimacy anorexia near you.
Dr. Janice Caudill is the founder and Clinical Director of McKinney Counseling & Recovery. MCR offers individual, couples, group therapy and multi-day intensives for partners of sex addicts and wounded hearts struggling with sex addiction, infidelity, love addiction or love avoidance, intimacy anorexia, or relational trauma in the McKinney, Plano, Allen, Richardson, Frisco, Carrollton, Lewisville, Dallas and surrounding areas.
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