Surviving Betrayal: Relief from the Pain

How long will it hurt?

What most of us want more than anything is for the pain to stop. And we want it to stop now. But we eventually learn there is nothing healthy we can do to make the pain go away quickly. Healing is a gradual pro­cess. And anything we do to force an immediate solution is likely to cre­ate more pain in the long run.

How long will it hurt?

Sometimes it will hurt until our partner realizes his mistake and works on repairing the damage. Sometimes it will hurt until we make up our minds to accept the reality of what has happened. Sometimes it will hurt until we’ve finished the normal grieving process. It may be a week, a month, a year. Or more. Sometimes we think the pain has eased and something happens to open the wound again.

How long will it hurt?

The truest answer is that the healing process is different for each of us, and the outcome isn’t predictable. There are no shortcuts and no sure­fire formulas. Live with the pain, accept its reality, and practice healing behaviors, until the hurt begins to ease. The way is not over, but through.

Today I won’t look for a quick fix for my pain. I understand that healing will take time. I understand that no one can tell me how much time it will take. I will stop expecting immediate relief.

From Surviving Betrayal: Hope and Help for Women Whose Partners Have Been Unfaithful * 365 Daily Meditations by Alice May

Dr. Janice Caudill is the founder and Clinical Director of McKinney Counseling & Recovery. MCR offers individual, couples, group therapy, webinars, workshops and 3-day intensives for sex addiction recovery, intimacy anorexia, intimacy deprivation and partners of sex addicts, kintsugi couple recovery intensives for wounded hearts struggling with the impact of sex addiction, infidelity, love addiction or love avoidance, intimacy anorexia, or relational traumaMCR serves the McKinney, Plano, Allen, Richardson, Frisco, Prosper, Carrollton, Lewisville, Dallas and surrounding areas.

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