Loving him at a time like this feels so wrong. So weak. So self-destructive. Surely a strong, confident woman could walk out without regret.
But sometimes, even in our pain, we feel the love. And that is okay. That doesn’t make us wrong or weak. It isn’t a cause for shame.
None of our feelings are wrong. Feelings are not facts, they are not defects in our character, they do not brand us in any way. They are sim¬ply a reflection of what is in our hearts. And at times like this, our hearts are bound to be filled with more conflicting emotions than we know how to handle.
It is okay to be confused about how we feel. It is okay to be sure that we love him one minute and to know without a doubt that we hate him the next minute. These are only feelings. And even though others may have told us that our feelings are wrong, they are not. We are free to have our feelings and to sort through them over time.
If we feel love today, if we remember the good times even when our pain overwhelms us, we don’t have to judge ourselves. Hope is not a weakness. And love is never shameful.
I can focus on my healing today without judging myself for any of my emotions, including any loving feelings I may have for my partner.
From Surviving Betrayal: Hope and Help for Women Whose Partners Have Been Unfaithful * 365 Daily Meditations by Alice May
Dr. Janice Caudill is the founder and Clinical Director of McKinney Counseling & Recovery. MCR offers individual, couples, group therapy, webinars, workshops and 3-day intensives for sex addiction recovery, intimacy anorexia, intimacy deprivation and partners of sex addicts, kintsugi couple recovery intensives for wounded hearts struggling with the impact of sex addiction, infidelity, love addiction or love avoidance, intimacy anorexia, or relational trauma. MCR serves the McKinney, Plano, Allen, Richardson, Frisco, Prosper, Carrollton, Lewisville, Dallas and surrounding areas.
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